My dear Kitten,
by BlueMockingbird629
Summary: The typical (or perhaps not typical) Dark!Sebastian and Ciel. Warnings every chapter, first fanfic, etc. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1: To Be Humane or Inhumane?

**_{A/N: Random scenarios of Ciel and Sebastian. :D_**

 ** _Warnings: bad grammar, redundancy in words, first fanfic._**

 _ **Have fun reading and don't die}**_

The Sun bathes everything in a pure, white light.

So holy, it hurts to look at the Sun directly, doesn't it?

They are sinners, born and meant to be.

Do you know why crimes are mainly committed at night?

It is when the holy light stops shinning, and all the sinners gather.

At one gathering place, young boys were ripped from the comforts of their homes to live (or shall I say, 'struggle' to live?) in a despicable, yet entirely humane yet inhumane place.

Indeed, how can such a place be humane and inhumane at the same time?

It is possible. In fact, many places are what we consider to be inhumane, yet so humane at the same time.

Humans are interesting creatures. They like to condemn things that they believe to be entirely wrong, yet they find ourselves doing the same.

Such hypocrisy.

Such is the life of the innocent kitten, Ciel Phantomhive.

Such is my master.

Ah yes, I remember his pitiful face as I 'rescued' him from those animals.

His face was the embodiment of the innocent.

I couldn't wait to taint him. My dear Ciel Phantomhive.

It was I who dressed him in the mornings, like a perfect little doll.

It was I who served him faithfully, like a loyal dog.

It was I who tainted him, like a disease that spreads throughout villages.

And now it is I who rises up to take his soul, one that I had served for a decade. "My lord…"

"Yes?" Even as I was about to take his soul, he was still the arrogant young lord that I created. "Will it hurt?"

"Hmm? Of course…not." Why did he care if it hurt or not? Well, he was still human and could be broken as easily as anyone.

"Make it hurt. As much as possible. I don't care."

 _Ahahaha. You little fool. My sweet, grey kitten. How much your azure eyes entice me. How much I want your beauty to last for an eternity. How much I want to devour you, and savor your blood._ "Yes, my lord." _Those three words._

He tenses, and then relaxes as he sees me coming closer.

 _Will it hurt?_

 _Why yes, my dear Ciel. Of course it will. This is your repayment. I intend to make this as painful as possible._

 _As you wish, my lord. This will be your last order, I presume? And I will be free. You won't control me any longer, dear kitten. The ravenous panther must devour its prey._

 _And yet, you amuse me so. I could tell you adored me and love me, as you should have loved Elizabeth. I knew from the start you never liked her; rather, you focused all your intentions on me._

 _Will I miss you? It is only a matter of time, perhaps, before I forget you in the midst of other souls. But, needless to say, I have enjoyed our time together, my curious little kitten. Your soul will be most delightful to devour._

I lean in towards him, and I can see the faint blush that creeps upon his cheeks.

 _You are my little treat._

Opening my mouth slightly, I capture his plump lips in mine, and suck on the delectable soul, feeling the bright light entirely devoured by my sinful lips.

It tastes better than any other soul I've ever had. Food of the gods couldn't even being to describe it. And yet, there was a stinging aftertaste. Resentment, regret, pain, but most of all, bliss.

 _Kitten, why are you so happy?_ Humans always baffle me. _Yet, how amusing._ His body grows limp and I carry him bridal-style to the river.

Lifting his pale body onto the relentless stream, he floats away from me.

 _I want to forget you. But, can I?_ No other human has ever affected me like he did. Could I say that I hated him? _No, I don't hate him._

Did I love him?

 _No, I don't love him._

Then, what was he to me, exactly?

 _My lord, my prince. My innocent doll who lived in such a cruel and humane, yet inhumane world._

Such hypocrisy.

Such was the life of the tainted kitten, Ciel Phantomhive.

Such was my former master.


	2. Chapter 2: Trust

_**{A/N: Perhaps, I won't kill either Ciel or Sebastian…**_

 _ **Warnings: Dark!Sebastian…I guess…and a slightly more Modern AU.**_

 _ **Songs that inspired this song: "These are the Lies" and "Lovesick Fool" by The Cab. "Car Radio" by Twenty One Pilots.}**_

* * *

 ** _Ciel POV_**

I am woken up by the sounds of the curtains being pushed back, allowing the sunlight to seep through. The smells of my favorite tea, Earl Grey, fills the room. The soft sounds of my clothes being draped across the chair, conveniently placed next to the bed, allows me to relax some more, because I trust him.

We've been in this relationship, butler and master, for over a decade now. I am quite close to achieving my goal of revenge, yet I am still unsettled. This continuity might be broken, soon, and it will come as a surprise. But I still trust him with all my heart, all my being.

But is this trust enough?

Can I still live under his care even after he takes my soul?

I want to die.

I don't want to live anymore.

What's the point?

Why am I even alive?

There is no revenge.

Not anymore.

I don't want revenge anymore.

I want to distract myself from these thoughts.

Why am I so petty?

Turn on the music, Sebastian.

Save me.

I'm scared.

 ** _Sebastian POV_**

I can tell Ciel trusts me. My lord, my master. My Boochan. Yet, I can't seem to manipulate him as I have done with the others I had formed contracts with. He is too fragile. He's breaking. More and more. And I want to save him from falling into his dark pit. But perhaps he already fell.

"Boochan," I call softly. He's awake, but staring in front of him, mindlessly. I want to help him, save him, but it might be too late.

He turns toward the sound of my voice, and my heart almost breaks. His eyes are blank. Slate. The blue is gone. I can't find it. Where is my Boochan?

I turn on the radio, and the song plays.

 _I ponder of something great_

 _My lungs will fill and then deflate_

 _They fill with fire_

 _Exhale desire_

 _I know it's dire_

 _My time today_

 _I have these thoughts_

 _So often I ought_

 _To replace that slot_

 _With what I once bought_

 _'Cause somebody stole_

 _My car radio_

 _And now I just sit in silence_

 _Sometimes_ _ **quiet**_ _is_ _ **violent**_

 _I find it hard to hide it_

 _My pride is no longer inside_

 _It's on my sleeve_

 _My skin will scream_

 _Reminding me of_

 _Who I killed inside my dream_

 _I hate this car that I'm driving_

 _There's no hiding for me_

 _I'm forced to deal with what I feel_

 _There is no distraction to mask what is real_

 _I could pull the steering wheel_

He widens his eyes.

This wasn't the music that he wanted, and yet here I am, playing it.

He doesn't want to hear the truth, but here I am, force-feeding it to him. _Ciel, LISTEN, and wake up._

The music continues.

 _I ponder of something terrifying_

 _'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind_

 _I find over the course of our human existence_

 _One thing consists of consistence_

 _And it's that we're all battling fear_

 _Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here_

 _Oh my,_

 _Too deep_

 _Please stop thinking_

 _I liked it better when my car had sound_

 _There are things we can do_

 _But from the things that work there are only two_

 _And from the two that we choose to do_

 _Peace will win_

 _And fear will lose_

 _There's faith and there's sleep_

 _We need to pick one please because_

 _Faith is to be awake_

 _And to be awake is for us to think_

 _And for us to think is to be alive_

 _And I will try with every rhyme_

 _To come across like I am dying_

 _To let you know you need to try to think_

 _I have these thoughts_

 _So often I ought_

 _To replace that slot_

 _With what I once bought_

 _'Cause somebody stole_

 _My car radio_

 _And now I just sit in silence_

"Turn it off."

I am surprised. "Boochan?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No." I turn the music off, obediently.

He doesn't say anymore.

 _Sometimes quiet is violent._

I know he's thinking, battling his thoughts. _Boochan, I'm trying to help you._

 _There is no hiding for me_

 _I'm forced to deal with what I feel._

 _I COULD PULL THE STEERING WHEEL._

 _Don't pull the steering wheel, Boochan._

 _Don't be scared._

He slumps forward, eyes still widened.

 _Don't stop thinking, Boochan._

He looks to me, glassy eyes, weakened posture, and limp arms. _Save me, Sebastian._

I walk over to him, and place my arms around him, my china doll.

 _Trust me, Boochan. I will save you._

* * *

 ** _Lyrics to "Car Radio":_** **_music/preview/Tjjbijcluqbz6swjita32xr7joi?lyrics=1 &utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics_**


	3. Chapter 3: A Meaningful Life

_**Imagine an AU where Ciel has everything he wants and is leading a "happy" life. Here is where I will hopefully describe to you the difference between a meaningful life and a happy life. If it makes no sense, or if you want to ask questions, review! That's how I will update faster (hopefully) but also write better. Thanks for reading!**_

* * *

"Sebastian…"

"Yes, my lord?"

"I don't want to die."

Silence hung over the pair, a demon staring strangely at a tiny boy, curled up in silken sheets. The demon sighed.

"I don't understand much about death, my lord. After all, I am immortal…"

"I don't want to die."

The butler sighed again and glanced at the child, who was now sitting up and staring intently into his scarlet eyes.

"Why do you fear the inevitable?"

Ciel froze, having not thought of this before. "...Well..because…"

"Do you not want it to happen soon? Is there so much to experience you want to experience it all?"

"It's just...the prospect of death...dying..terrifies me."

"Death is just another passage of life, just the same as a birthday. You should celebrate the prospect of dying."

"..That's really weird...Aside from that...won't it feel different?"

"Your mind will be nonexistent when you die. Of course you can't feel anything when you're dead."

"But dying. Isn't that different?"

"The process of how one dies. Of course. It might feel painful, depending on how you die…"

"Sebastian..you aren't helping."

The demon sighs once more. "I didn't mean to help, my lord."

"But you started talking."

"Only to educate you."

His master huffs and turns away.

"Well at least you overcame your existential crisis," the butler smirks, looking at Ciel out of the corner of his eye.

"T-that..y-you shouldn't mention things l-like that...But thank you for helping." The boy mutters the last part quieter.

"What's that?" A grin.

"Dammit Sebastian...Just shut up already." Another annoyed huff.

"But in all seriousness, why are you so afraid of dying? You have a long life ahead of you…" The demon looks gently at the boy. "You're only ten."

"So? Anything could happen."

Sebastian doesn't say anything and merely sighs. "Why are you saying such things?"

"Why does my life not have any meaning?"

Answering a question with a question…...But what is he talking about? The butler furrows his eyebrows, an uncommon gesture for the demon.

"Sebastian, help me find more meaning in this life I lead," pleaded the boy, mouth curling in distaste on the word "life".

Sebastian wracked his brain, desperately searching for something he could say; all the while, questions raced through his mind. Why is the young master thinking of this? How did he even start to think about such things as the meaning of life? I thought that he would be perfectly content. After all, he has all the things he could possibly want, and I could get anything he wanted. Perhaps there is something else to "life" than just being happy...No matter, I must solve this problem at hand first.

Clearing his throat and raising a gloved hand, the demon spoke. "You live a happy and content life, young master, this raises the question of why you aren't satisfied. Perhaps having everything you could possibly want is problematic, since humans will inevitably always want more or want something else. So I instead will try to educate you on the difference between a "meaningful" life and the life you lead now.

"A meaningful life is defined as one where you give more than you take. In other words, you live to serve something that is higher than yourself. A happy life, on the other hand, is merely one where you take more than you give, and your life is meant just to satisfy whatever desires you may have. However, what if one day you don't want to just be satisfied and continue this cycle, but rather you want to do something that will perhaps change the world or affect the way in which you live. This, young master, is where you currently are.

"Here is where I draw the line—you live a happy life, but humans shouldn't live just a happy life or just a meaningful life. A meaningful life can have all sorts of stresses, since you are serving the world and others, so of course there are problems that can arise from that, although you are leading a much more meaningful life than just taking everything you want to feel satisfied. Humans should learn to find a balance between these two ideas—live a meaningful life where you can serve others and have some impact on the world, and live a happy life as well, able to quench your desires and urges, and also not be greedy or want too much, since greed is usually the leading factor in people not feeling satisfied with their life.

"So, my greedy boy, you ask why your life has no meaning. It does. You have some impact on the world; you've met people and changed their lives, etc. On the other hand, you do have everything you want and should be content, but I guess you want to have more or make your life have more meaning than it already has, am I right?"

Ciel thought for a bit, then said, "What you've said makes sense….but it's not really the answer I'm looking for…"

"Then are you looking to be validated?" questioned Sebastian, cutting off the young master's words.

The boy blushed and glanced to the side, refusing to say anything.

"All humans want to be validated, I'm sure. WIll that give more meaning to your life? If I validate your presence?"

"You are so condescending, Sebastian."

"I know. It's my specialty."

* * *

 _ **Once again, thanks for reading!**_


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